Author Archives: Henkka

Gaki-san starts the 50th episode of the show by reading a fan letter. The fan has heard that Kame’s cheesecakes are famously well-liked by members of Morning Musume, and so they wish to know if the two hosts often get to do much cooking.

Gaki-san makes it clear: Kame’s cheesecakes really are delicious. The two were actually just talking about this the day before, about how it’s really no good if a girl can’t cook properly. Kame, however, immediately says that she no longer cooks. Still, she thinks she might get back into it around Valentine’s Day next year — like they discussed earlier, being good at cooking immediately boosts your womanliness. Gaki-san agrees, and wants to one day be able to cook foods that are easy and fast, and yet, delicious. That’s the type of woman the hosts both agree to aim for.

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Kame kicks off the show by introducing a quick message from a listener, who wishes simply to inform them that Gaki-san’s “here we go~” she does at the beginning of corners on the show is “really cute.” Kame asks what her co-host thinks of this sudden confession of love. Gaki-san is glad to receive these words of praise, but explains that the only reason she actually says that is because otherwise Kame wouldn’t understand that it’s time to move the show along. It’s more of a “Kame, come on, here we go! We’re reading some fan mail next!” type of thing more than anything else. Kame thinks Gaki-san is pretty smart for coming up with this method all by herself.

Song: Morning Musume – Namidacchi

Gaki-san: Here we go~!
Kame: Okay!
Gaki–Kame: Let’s read some messages!
Kame: To your battle stations!
Gaki-san: … You’re listening to interFM Monday regulars, Morning Musume Niigaki Risa and…
Kame: Kamei Eri. (giggles)
Gaki-san: What the heck was that?! Going all “to your battle stations” or something… (laughs)
Kame: (laughs) I was just responding to your “here we go~!“

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Kame: Gaki-san~!
Gaki-san: Yes?
Kame: It’s already March!
Gaki-san: Yes it is.
Kame: So let’s do our customary fashion check!
Gaki-san: … Customary? We’ve never done anything like that on the show.
Kame: Huh? Weren’t we always the two fashion leaders?

Fashion leaders or not, Kame begins by introducing Gaki-san’s fashion of the day. She says the theme of Gaki-san’s outfit is “flying squirrels and the letter A.” Whatever it is that she’s wearing, Kame thinks it looks warm. Gaki-san thinks Kame’s fashion looks quite grown-up today, with a knitted sweater and a glittery skirt. Kame reveals that she’s wearing HEATTECH below — if you look closely enough, you can even see it.

Gaki–Kame: five-nk@interfm.jp
Kame: Hyyyyphen.
Gaki-san: five
Gaki–Kame: -nk@
Gaki-san: Dot… Argh, I lost track! five-nk
Kame: (Risa…! Risa…!)
Gaki-san: @interfm.jp. It’s your fault for throwing in random hyphens!
Kame: Sorry. (laughs)

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Fan mail #1: The listener is having trouble with dry skin due to it being the winter. They thus ask Gaki-Kame for their skincare advice.

“Cream and more cream,” Gaki-san says. “And a humidifier,” Kame adds.

Song: Morning Musume – Onna ga Medatte Naze Ikenai

Fan mail #2: “Eririn! Let us hear your tiger impersonation!”

Gaki-san rightfully calls what she just heard a very weak-sounding tiger. Kame tries to explain that it’s an impersonation of a tiger yawning. She has another impersonation of “a tiger that is told to move out of the way,” but Gaki-san says Kame’s now just beginning to sound like Stitch:

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Fan mail #1: The listener just realized something: they seem to close their eyes when brushing their teeth. “What about you two?” he asks.

Gaki-san doesn’t close her eyes when brushing her teeth, but she can’t stand still so she prefers to walk around the house. While Kame prefers to stay put with her eyes open, she does find herself tapping her feet and keeping a beat. Gaki-san praises her co-host for being so artist-like.

Song: Morning Musume – Onna ga Medatte Naze Ikenai

This week’s show is a Message Matsuri, meaning loads and loads of fan mail!

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Kame has a message to read right away.

Fan mail #1: The listener poses a quiz for the hosts: in Okinawa, people may sometimes be heard saying “kameeee!” What does this mean?

Gaki-san has actually heard about this thanks to her visiting Okinawa quite often with her grandparents living there: it means “eat it!” Gaki-san proposes a scenario where, if the two were eating something in Okinawa, she might say to her co-host: “Kame, kameeeee!” Kame says she might take this as Gaki-san being really fond of her since she’s calling her name so much. Gaki-san hopes Kame doesn’t make the mistake of thinking such a thing.

Gaki-san: five-nk@interfm.jp
Kame: (singing)
Gaki-san: five-nk@interfm.jp
Kame: (singing)
Gaki-san: What is that, vocal training?
Kame: Yes.
Gaki-san: Do you have to do it while I’m trying to read the email address of the show?
Kame: That’s the only time I can do it.

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Gaki-san: FIVE STARS Monday has begun! We are Morning Musume’s Niigaki Risa and…
Kame: Kamei Eri. A, a, a…
Gaki-san: Don’t do a mic check after we’ve already started!

Fan mail #1: The listener has something he “absolutely must” ask the two hosts: do they like to put mustard in their natto, and do they want to have wasabi with their sushi?

Gaki-san pleads with Kame for her to pull herself together and host the show more properly: she’s apparently awful today. That aside, Gaki-san wants wasabi with her sushi but has no need for mustard in her natto — she just doesn’t like the taste. Kame doesn’t like mustard in natto either, preferring to have it with something like eggs. While she doesn’t usually have wasabi with her sushi either, she says she does get people who like it. The hosts wish that their answers have quenched the listener’s curiosity.

Gaki-san: five-nk@interfm.jp
Kame: Toose!
Gaki-san: five-nk@interfm.jp
Kame: Toose!
Gaki-san: Don’t steal people’s jokes!

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Henkka: I’m sure some of you are wondering: “Henkka, why in the hell are you translating a show from over five years ago that features long graduated members?“

Well, I have but two simple reasons: the Gaki-Kame hosted FIVE STARS is pretty much my favorite H!P radio show of all time, and secondly, to my knowledge some episodes of this show have remained untranslated for all this time. And by “some,” I actually mean “half.”

OnDiet translated the first 42 episodes of the show on her blog which you can find here. She also translated the last two episodes which I’ll link to when we get there. By my count, with the show ending at episode #89, that still leaves us with 45 untranslated episodes which I am going to do.

If you’re a newer fan of H!P and you’re wondering “why should I care about these two ex-idols in the first place?“… Well, that’s something you should research on your own. But I can get you started with a video that to me embodies the Gaki/Kame dynamic quite perfectly. This is, to me, what these two women were about — the idol world’s most lovable boke/tsukkomi team.

Without further ado… let’s get started.

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