All 5 juice boxes are in the recording booth today, but Karin give us the opening line. This is partially to commemorate their last show of the year, and partly because it’s Uemu’s birthday! Yay! But there is no time for that, straight to fan letters.
First, one from Nanapanda, who wants to know if she has any particular birthday memories, and another from Rapolitan, who praises Uemu and Karin for their birthday event and asks a question many of us probably have asked at some point: who decides what you sing for these events and how is that decision made?
They ignore the first question and go right into the decision-making process. Uemu says that there is a deadline that they are given by which point that have to have a list of songs they would like to sing and present it to the manager for confirmation. In Uemu’s case she had not made such a list by the time that date came around, so it was mostly left up to the manager to throw suggestions out there. Since they had a joint birthday event, they brought their lists together into a meeting and played all of the songs to see which ones had the best flow as a setlist and which ones would work as duets or solos. According to both of them, this was quite a simple meeting and they decided on the songs very quickly. Supposedly this was a joint decision-making process, but Yuka gets the impression that this was not the case.
Yuka: It seems like Karin picked most of these songs, though, right?
Karin: … Yeah, I guess I did.
Still, it is Uemu’s birthday, and that means… cake! “CAKE?! WHERE?!” she screams, as it takes the staff a minute to get it ready and bring it into the studio, which results in much screaming. Yuka attempts to settle everyone down to do a traditional Juice=Juice juice (or not) toast. They have two varieties of sparkling something. Tomo definitely says it’s Chardonnay, but I certainly hope not. I thought this was a family program but apparently we are getting drunk today, underage or not. Or at least we would be, if they could ever decide on which one they were going to drink. After much mumbling over who’s going to drink what, Yuka again tries to regain control and asks everyone to go around and say something nice about Uemu. Let’s go through these one by one because a few of them are kind of disasters.
Karin first. She wishes Uemu a happy birthday. That’s all.
Tomo: You’re just saying that because you haven’t gotten her a birthday present yet.
Karin: No, it’s not that!
Yuka: But you haven’t.
Karin: Well, no, I haven’t, but I’ve been thinking about it. Uemu is such a specific kind of person and she has very unique tastes, so I have always been thinking about what to get her and shopping around and I’m just waiting until I find that perfect gift for her and–
Sayubee: Is she even listening?
Karin: Listen to me!
Yuka: She’s very involved with her cake right now.
This gif is essentially the tone of the entire show
So while Karin rattles off why she hasn’t gotten Uemu a present, Uemu has perhaps not registered a single word of it because, well, cake. Sayubee’s turn.
Sayubee: So, you’ve turned 16.
Uemu: (whispers) banana
Sayubee: I’m not a banana! Stop that! Stop it right now! Anyway, you’ve turned 16, but your heart will always be old–wait, no, childish! No! Young, young, young! You’re a child–
Yuka: Is this really okay?
It does not get better from here.
Tomo: Okay, you’re 16, right? Maybe you should study a bit more.
Only Yuka manages to say something nice, as one might expect. However, that does not entirely keep this train on track, because then they ask Uemu to say a few word and you know that never ends well.
Uemu: My goal as a 16-year-old is to challenge myself to accomplish the things I wasn’t able to accomplish when I was 15. I also want to be a bit more mature at 16, without forgetting the joys of my youth.
Tomo: … you’re still holding that knife.
Yes, they still haven’t actually cut the cake yet, but Uemu has been holding onto the knife the entire time. She is now undertaking more adult responsibilities, someone decides that it’s a good idea for her to cut the cake for everyone. Spoiler alert: it’s not.
Tomo: Okay, we’re leaving it up to you.
Uemu: Okay then, let’s see, one, two, three…
Sayubee: Maybe start right there?
Uemu: OH MY GOD YOU GUYS STOP IT’S FINE.
Song: Abe Natsumi & Yajima Maimi – 16sai no Koi Nante
It’s okay, Uemu, maybe your birthday won’t suck as much next year
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME by Uemura Akari
Uemu has gotten lots of presents so far from lots of people for her birthday, including this cake she just got today. Even so, she decided to go ahead and get presents for herself. She bought an electric carpet, an inhaler, and a fabric-pill remover. Presents are nice, but so is sharing cake with everyone. The other day, she went to the Snoopy store. She does not know much about Snoopy. She read lots about him at the store. It was a fun Snoopy. The end.
There was much laughter in the background of this particular voice blog. They then fight over who will do the ending word. Sayubee wins.
Sayubee picked this word because the other day, she was fluffing up a cushion in her house, and somehow, she got the cotton stuffing in her mouth. She wanted to let us know how shocking this was to her. According to the blog author, everyone else picked on her after hearing this story.
So next time you’re feeling down about something or you’re having a sad birthday, just remember, it was that much better because Juice=Juice wasn’t around to make comments that made you feel terrible about yourself. Now every birthday will be a happy birthday.
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